It's not a race

For those of you who aren't racing (the first rule of Super Secret Bike Commuter Race is you don't talk about Super Secret Bike Commuter Race), here is a calculator for determining your score as you're riding along.

Here are the British rules:

The Game

Dropping / Pulling anyone higher in the Food Chain Number makes you stronger and more attractive to burds*. Getting dropped / trying to keep up with anyone lower means your soul hires a kudos remover to lower your self worth. If you scalp someone you have to maintain or extend your lead for such a time as to have the dude you passed admit to themself "I was done". Nipping by, then running into a side road / hiding in traffic won't wash, Be honest with yourself. *Not strictly true

Rules:

1/ No Dangerous Manoeuvres (Don’t be a danger to any other road users or yourself) Falling off causes pain to you and others around you, don’t do it! (oh and you loose yer points)

2/ Don’t ride like a c0ck, we’re all just trying to get somewhere!

3/ No passing at Lights/Junction/Crossings, if you do, it doesn’t count

4/ All passing on open road ONLY. Filtering in traffic is null and void (you know whether you’ve dropped someone fairly, and haven’t turned off straight afterwards)

5/ Pavement passes, either you or the target is void

6/ Show no pain, unless, like me your face is just like that

FOOD CHAIN NUMBERS:

  1. Scooters

  2. Roadies with shaved legs - like girls *

  3. Proper rapid Single speed (real men, messengers, tarty shiny fixies) *

  4. Roadies with hairy legs - like men *

  5. Faux Single Speeds (fakengers, dirty/functional bikes, silly egg beater gear) *

  6. Touring Bikes (Mud Guards) *

  7. "Fast Hybrids" *

  8. MTBs on Skinnies *

  9. MTBs on Nobbies

  10. Bromptons / collapsing bikes

  11. MTB full sus on Nobbies

  12. Shoppers

  13. Shoppers wicker baskets

  14. Electric bikes

• ONLY FCN 2-5 gain points for overtaking the same FCN and Higher Chainers

• Recumbents, Tandems and Segways are worth +2 points as a rare bonus

• Sinclair C5 +20 points as a hens teeth bonus

FCN Adjusters:

CLOTHING:

None:+3

Non-Cycling: +2

Baggies: +1

Lycra: 0

Team Kit: -1

TDF Jersey: -2

BAGGAGE:

Panniers: +1

Back Pack/Courier: 0

Nothing: -1

HEAD GEAR:

Face Mask +1

Helmets/Nothing/Sunglasses: 0

Bike Caps / Wrap arounds: -1

ACCESSORIES:

Herman's Safety Wing" (orange plastic lolly-pop): +2

Trailer:+2

Beard: +1

Child seat (each): +1

Power meter: -1

Aerobars: -1

Coloured tyres -1

PEDALS (If you can identify) FCN2-8 see note above:

Flats: +1

Toe Clips: 0

Evidently Clipless/spds (cycling shoes): -1